Sunday, August 9, 2009

Thats Right...I Did It!

Back in the day I use to get away with a TON of crap! It drove my sister, Linda crazy. Here she was an innocent band geek (sorry Linda but we gotta keep it real!) with an awesome grade point average and the common sense not to hot box the family car. Yet our mother blamed her for EVERYTHING! Poor Linda, I know! To make up for the years of injustice and unfair punishments brought down on Linda by our unreasonable mother I'm making a few confessions today.

Here's the of these stories is not true. Can you guess which one?

The first person to leave me a comment on my blog or Facebook profile with the down right blatant lie posted here today wins! What will you win? I don't know...but I'm pretty good at sending cool things in the mail so you just might be surprised. Try it. It could be fun.

Here goes...

1. In the 4th grade I changed the name plate on my teacher's classroom door from Mrs. Hornburger to Mrs. Horny-burger. I let my friend Gretchen take the heat for it. Her parents made her go see the school's counselor twice a week for the rest of the school year. I hear that Gretchen is now an upstanding Mormon with a successful "dancing" career in Vegas. You go Gretchen...more power to ya!

2. When I was six I had a huge crush on the cutest little red haired boy. We were later married by a 5th grader in between the teeter-totters and four square courts. A few days later he caught me on the swings with another little boy named Zeb. My newly wedded darling called me a polygamist (only it came out pigmi-est) and told me I would be hearing from his lawyer. I wasn't sure what I was more upset about; the fact that I could loose half of the My Little Pony collection it took me 2 birthdays and a Christmas to build in a messy divorce or that I let a kid named "Zeb" push me on the swings and steal my favorite Strawberry Shortcake hair ribbons.

3. My freshman year of high school I was forced to attend seminary (an early morning "bible study" of sorts) at the church before school started. Being the pissed off teenager that I was me and another girl (who shall remain nameless for fear of ex-communication) decided that it would be a good idea to break into all the unlocked cars in the parking lot and steal the buttons and knobs from car stereos and heater/AC controls. Feeling our guilt some weeks later we gift wrapped our stolen treasures in a Sketchers shoe box and left it in on our Bishop's front pouch. The following week an announcement was made in seminary:

"Those currently without volume control and heat in their vehicles should pick up the appropriate 'nobbies' in the clerk's office on the way out. My only conclusion is that our seemingly guilt ridden brother or sister wears Sketchers, size 8 1/2 with a blue and white stripe on the side."
After the announcement I remember thinking "Shit! I really liked those shoes, now I'll have to give them to my sister!"

4. My friend Heather Jackson and I stole a bunch of fried chicken and M&Ms from the AMPM and gave them to a homeless man at Wortman Park. He thanked us and later asked if he could take our picture with a puppy he had waiting in the tent village where he lived. We ran like hell and promised to never speak of it again.

5. Jeremy and I were married in a court house in Port Orchard, WA on July 21, 2000. On May 20, 2001 we had a huge wedding and reception in Aloha, OR. No one and I repeat NO ONE knew that we had been married a year earlier in Washington. We actually have 2 marriage licenses filed in two different states. To this day my mother has no clue! Every year on our "fake" wedding anniversary in May my mom calls and I have to pretend that we're doing something cool to celebrate. Maybe my little red haired childhood husband was right. If the state of Oregon and the state of Washington ever got to talking one day over coffee I could be considered a polygamist. On the other hand I did marry the same person both times so I'm praying that we're in the clear.

There you have it! Five outstanding confessions including one deception. Can you guess which one is the lie? Thanks to my favorite blogger Cjane (she is just one click away on my sidebar, check her out!) for the awesome blog idea...I've had a little bit of blogger's block lately! Till next time my friends...happy guessing!