Sunday, May 10, 2009

Are You in a Mommy Slump?

Take the quiz here!!

1. The last time you got your hair done was...

A. Yesterday. I have a standing appointment every six weeks, if I don't show up my hairdresser calls to make sure I'm OK.

B. Hairdresser? Is that what the lady at Supercuts is called?

C. I had my hair cut last week thanks to my daughter, a piece of watermelon Bubbalicious and my husband's safety scissor skills.

2. The last time you had a manicure was...

A. Yesterday, my hair dresser fit me in w/ her nail gal while she touched up my roots and foiled in some new highlights.

B. As long as the Ruby Red Wet N' Wild (nail polish that is) covers 7 out of 10 fingernails who needs a manicure?

C. Last week I got to soak my hands in potty water while retrieving my husband's work keys.

3. The last time you wore of pair of heels that hurt like hell but made you feel like America's Next Top Model was...

A. Saturday night, because every Saturday is date night.

B. A few hours ago while showing my 5 year old son how not to scuff the floor if he insists on wearing them while Daddy is at work.

C. Exactly 2 years, 6 months, 3 weeks and 5 days ago the night our youngest was conceived. All of my heels have mysteriously disappeared from our closet. My husband still maintains his innocence even while under interrogation.

4. The last time you ate a meal that wasn't prepared by you was...

A. Saturday...its date night. Remember?

B. Do goldfish crackers count as a meal? If they do then my son can whip up a pretty mean helping!

C. I may or may not have, accidentally, eaten a booger off the baby's cheek when going in for a goodnight smooch. I try not to think about it.

5. The last time you left the kiddies with the husband for a well deserved time out was...

A. Friday night. Its Lady's night...DUH!

B. Time out? What is this thing you call time out?

C. Yesterday. The 4 1/2 min I spent alone while using the bathroom was heaven!

If you answered "C" to any of these questions -- RUN! Run far away from home and think twice about coming back. Sadly, I have found myself in a "C" kind of situation. I was in a mommy slump, that is until today.

Mother's Day is lovely. The homemade cards, breakfast in bed, cuddles from the kiddies that aren't forced and/or bribed. Its like our own personal Christmas. Jeremy made it especially fabulous for me this year. He sent me away! YEEEESSSS! Here is a financial rundown of how I spent my day.

* Breakfast with girlfriend and drinking all the coffee my bladder could hold
* Purchase of the most awesome vintage aprons in down town hippieville
* Sitting in a bar at 10am while getting the stink eye from a drag queen
* Finding & purchasing a picture of Jesus that looks exactly like our good friend Zach
* Drinking margaritas while getting "the nod" from cute boy at the next table
* Finding perfect pair of hot 'n sexy heels covertly disguised in a Nike shoebox

It is safe to say that my family loves me and I no longer feel the weight of my 5 year slump. Happy Mothers day y'all. Hope it was as awesome as mine!


PS: Dear Jeremy, the picture of Jesus disguised as Zach was a necessity and very much needed to grace the walls of his bathroom. Without it his bathroom decor would be lacking in class and style. Sometimes ya just gotta help a homie out! I knew you would understand.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

They say its Your Birthday!

My sweet little boy, Riley, is in the next room watching Christmas movies. Why you may ask? Because it's his birthday, and by his calculations it must be Christmas too. After many days of begging and pleading for our Christmas tree to be freed from it's box in the garage, he settled for "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" and "Its Christmas Charlie Brown!" tucked away in our family's DVD collection. This can only mean one thing -- a new holiday! Ladies and gentleman I give to you this 6th day of May....


Did you forget? How dare you! Where is your Rileymas tree? No Rileymas cookies either? Your children will be so disappointed! What kind of a parent are you? The spirit of Rileymas must have escaped your heart this year. Well, now you've got the memo, lets try and keep up next year kay?

Today will consist of a little family dinner, some cake, a few presents, and possibly the singing of a small babe wrapped in swaddling clothes. It's been five whole years since I held my babe wrapped in blue crocheted fluff. Each year has taught me lessons I could have never learned on my own. With the help of my Riley I am a stronger wiser mother.

Year one lesson learned: Catch your child when he is falling. Otherwise the stares, whispers and finger pointing that will go on behind your back may lead to a call involving Child Protective Services.

Year two lesson learned: NEVER laugh, snicker or otherwise hint that you are amused when your child sticks sausage links up his nose. It will get stuck. You will have to go to the emergency room. You will have to explain to your boss why you were late for work and you will have pay the enormous hospital bill later.

Year three lesson learned: Explain to your child the difference between Jesus -- his fellow classmate and buddy at play school and Jesus -- son of God. Otherwise claims of innocence due to direct instruction from Jesus (out on the playground) will be hard to explain to neighbors and friends. You will be known as the "Jesus freaks" that live down the street and play dates will be few and far between.

Year four lesson learned: Never encourage obsession. Otherwise Thomas the Tank Engine and all his steam engine friends will invade your home and steal your husband's hard earned money. You'll have to follow Thomas on his tour of the United States, learn his theme songs and perfect his specific chug-a-chug-chug along the imaginary train tracks in your living room
Year five lesson learned: Hug your child more. Kiss him every morning and remind him how truly unique and special he is. Remind yourself how lucky you are to have that booger picking, forgets to flush the toilet, still needs a hand to hold when he's scared five year old in your life.
I am blessed. I am amazed. I am in love.

Merry Rileymas to you all!